January 2012
1 tag
someone talk to me.
i am so frustrated.
i am perched precariously on the edge of believing that i am content with everything as it is along with distaste in the idea of dating/being interested or putting effort into any guy and the idea that i just want something, anything, everything to happen/that i deserve something better.
i am encountering anxiety of new classes and potentially screwing up and not finding a...
sunday.
i woke up and my mom had prepared cinnamon buns. they have come to signify any mildly monumental event. not to say that me returning to school is something special. but at dinner my dad had just said how he wasnt ready for me to go back. how hed just gotten used to having me around again. id been home for five weeks. cinnamon buns were just a way of saying that today something is happening. i was...
1 tag
I don't understand why we all want to be something...
wearemostaliveindreams:
Why can’t we just be ourselves, even if just for a day?
i dont know whether or not to text this guy back.
1 tag
and now. i have my first day of classes tomorrow. i am nervous. ive done my hair tonight so it shall be nice in the morning. and ive planned out a cute outfit. im looking forwards to being friendly and meeting new people. its my goal to talk to someone in each of my classes. im getting breakfast with cecilia, brittany and hopefully matt. i have social psych with brown from ten to ten fifty and its...
on my life being a joke.
i will tell you why. tonight andrew messaged me with a link to a youtube video he thought id like and it wasnt anything special really but i said it was interesting to be polite and he tells me he knows me so well. and this is all after his ignoring me, because he got a girlfriend, since that time over thanksgiving break that he thought he liked me and we hooked up. i hadnt been paying much...
as usual im a smidge behind. but only a smidge. ill give you an overview. sunday we did nothing. monday we watched a movie and ran errands all day. and today we took an all day trip to walmart.
but other than that my life is a joke.
i was called a hipster twice since coming back to school.
sidenote. cecilia is completely moved out and im decorating.
sidenote. i love these people.
yesterday.
by the time i woke up and made myself a decent breakfast it was late. and i had to run out to shop for pants with my mom. but i got discouraged after two stores and decided one pair of jeans is enough and that ill make do with whatever malfunctioning jeans i have. then i came home and i needed to start packing. but it was lunch time so instead i ate food. then after lunch it was time to pack, but...
collectedwhispers replied to your post: three things.
you are too sweet♥ I hope you find something you can believe in wholeheartedly and I’m glad you’re being open minded too where does Damon live? and I also wanted to like pretty much everything you just posted too but I though it’d be a bit much lol
haha yeah me too. like sometimes all the close-mindedness of the world and religions and people...
3 tags
dont let me cave in by the wonder years.
it just feels. im flooded with just my first semester. like a bated breath. it feels so long ago. muted. but its all there.
1 tag
three things.
saniya, i was reading through most all of your posts. going several pages back. i decided just to write this rather than go through and like each post from your blog. i dont know if ive ever mentioned this to you. you always say things that are so true. sometimes they are the little wake up call that anyone might need. a little slap of reality. bringing someone back down to earth. you say things...
3 tags
today.
my dad woke me at eight. petro was supposed to come and check on our oil because, the day before, the man filling it had detected a problem with the alarm on the oil. i hated him for waking me up. all i really knew was that i was tired and never wanted to leave my bed and if my eyes closed for just one second i would be asleep again. and i told my dad to leave me alone but he said if he did i...
but mac miller and girl talk are coming to oh fest. and ive just gone and listened to mac miller and its nothing special for me. and as far as i can tell anyone with good taste in music is not pleased, and mostly the ones who are happy about it are tools.
i am left with two things. wondering who voted for him. if he won by majority, how could i have magically fallen into a well of oneonta...
seriously sometimes i think kim likes every guy that walks the earth.
oh.
notable mention for the past three weeks. the pumpkin patch.
i found him in the oneonta tracked tag and apparently hes on the radio. interestingly enough one night he was posting a lot of things. coincidentally this was also the night that kim and i were up until all hours of the night watching movies. the night of greg. the night of starbucks. and i happened to find what he was writing...
sometimes i see drama on tumblr. and i think how stupid the human race is. really.
and then i just scroll past it and move on with my life.
alex did tag us all in a status and i thought it was the nicest thing.
i cant wait to be back.
i just have been so not all the way there this break.
me: oh thats nice
kim: oh thats nice LMAO
me: whys that funny
kim: legit we typed the same exact thing at the same exact time
me: OH i thouht you were laughing at me for saying that lmfaooooo
kim: lmaoo nooo ahaha
me: winning
i think if i make it a habit to - whenever im home - write alone in the dark in bed cuddled up in blankets listening to good music with my christmas lights on, burning incense and drinking tea i will be a very happy person.
kim: LMAO so this ad says with one click blahblah i read it as with one dick
me: lmaooo you just made me laugh read in deep narrative voice
kim: with one dick you can help create jobs on long island
me: WITH ONE DICK YOU CAN CREATE JOBS ON LONG ISLAND ;)
melissa: haha we have great convos
me: dont we we nerd about books and then hate on the human race sounds about right to me
me: i cant stop making myself laugh i think i have a disease called im the only one who finds myself funny omg i should go
kim: lmao go where
me: like just go uk i need to go
kim: lol okay
friends with benefits was an awful movie.
and heres why. because it doesnt have the charm of no strings attached. because its far too predictable in that you know the ending before you begin watching the movie. because why cant they just have sex and not fall in love. because its so unrealistic in the fact that everyone wins.
on reminiscing about how i used to be so close...
you grow up trying to learn the difference between words that are sincere and words that are not. there are the days you are sure you’re sure. people say a lot of things. we live in a world of guessing games. nobody says what they mean. here is a secret: there is no tell.
you think you know someone. you know whose backs they talk behind, you know who they care about, you know who they...
its funny how if you look at the things you like long enough, all of them at once, they start to lose meaning. as if after a while the subtleties of what you like least and most melt into one another. and perhaps you never really liked them in the first place. maybe nothing means anything at all.
3 tags
and today i am content. because there is nothing as nice as the absence of the feeling that the world is reeling away from you faster than you can think to grasp at it. nothing that feels quite as lovely as enjoying your day completely. nothing like the feeling that the here and now are worth something. i slept in and woke with vivid dreams on the tips of my fingers. i spent the day out with...
the best thing you can ever do is stop saying i will and start saying i am.
and now.
that i am caught up for the first time in approximately forever.
i can shed some light on some things i wrote that i did not yet share with you.
i disappeared a little this week.
theres the fact that at aprils work holiday party she got really drunk and she and kevin almost kissed three times and i had just written about frank and suddenly i was sick of guys who could flirt with girls and still have girlfriends. there was one night i invited kim over. and she came over late. after dinner. and i didnt want to do anything. i just wanted someone there. and i was delirious. i...
the day with mom.
my mom and i were to go out to lunch, just the two of us. it was great. i got up by eleven and by twelve we were ready to go. we went to zim zari and i just talked and talked and talked. about weird dreams. about school. about boys. the waiter was real cute. and looked like the zumba instructor from school but it wasnt. courtney ratner alex blaha and gabby ostolaza walked in at one point to eat...
saturday that was jens concert that was supposed...
jess’ sweet sixteen. where matt would be. as much as i didnt want to love him. and didnt want him to love me. i wanted to at least see him again before break was over. i had as soon as we had started making all these plans to see each other, suddenly not cared, and if i dont make plans we dont hang out. so i didnt see him because i was busy being irritated by him. and i wanted to see my work...
thursday was bollywood day with my girls.
i was supposed to go out with genny but my mom needed me to drive jen to drivers ed and i hate driving and it was raining and i was freaking out for no reason and then i got over it. and that night was bollywood night.
i cant say how i love them enough. we gathered and laughed so much and went out to get chips and dip and ate those and saniyas wonderful brownies while watching three idiots on...
the night of stop and shop and rack city.
kim came over after i ate dinner and we went to the library and i took out everything is illuminated, even though id just started reading animal farm. but then she had to get fruit stickers so we went to stop and shop. and she had her flip cam and we decided to record everything. so we recorded us going around the store getting fruit stickers for her wreck this journal. then we decided to dance in...
april and starbucks and greg.
first we were supposed to go out monday of last week for aprils birthday but she had to cancel because she was too tired after work and we decided on tuesday. and kim was moping about roberto and i told her she could come mope at my house. i waited all day and she didnt come until an hour before april was coming and she brought with her her brand new wreck this journal. so shes working on that and...
the mall and the sleepover and rapping.
i went to the mall with saniya one day. we had a great time. we went in basically every store and i like how we dont have to say anything all the time. it was such a lovely day though and we got burritos at taco bell. the same kind. except they came out two different ways. saniyas had tomatoes and mine was mostly rice, which saniyas had none of. it was so funny. and then we went to pathmark and...
1 tag
the third week.
i woke up consistently around ten, did some chores, sat around appreciating my free time. i was content to spend time alone. i was interested in only my bed and my lights and my books and my bucket list and my mind and my guitar and my writing and my tea. one day soon after my conversation with matt about him liking that girl and him continually flirting with me and us consistently talking from...
marissa brittany carah and the jealous anon.
i spent many nights chatting the three girls and texting carah and oovooing and sometimes with the three of them at once. brittany and corey broke up. i havent talked to them as often the second half of break. besides when carah texts me i havent talked to them at all really. i just havent had the energy to talk to people. but i did talk to them much at the beginning of break. carah and i hatched...
the last day of their break.
jen went to lauras for a photoshoot in the woods and my mom and i sat around talking all afternoon and then went to see new years eve together and got pizza and i showed her mydrunkkitchen and it was a good day.
1 tag
new years eve.
i had offered to host it. and invited the girls to sleep over. i wasnt about to invite roberto because hed be the only guy. i invited ryan, even though i was sure he was still busy. he was. kim couldnt sleep over because she had a family party the next day and saniya couldnt sleep over of course. so it would just be jill and kaitlin and i. and i had been feeling rather excited about the new year....
3 tags
matt and i, again.
me: mattyy matt: sexyy! i mean christineee me: aw stopp :3 youre too cute. hii matt: hii :) lol and no im not me: shh dont speak. how was your night ln? matt: guuud. how was ur night? me: real nicee matt: whatd you do? me: nm. played ddr and guitar hero and danced like lunatics matt: bet you looked like cool kids me: we did. i made a dress out of the twister mat. matt: cute shit broo. lmao only i...
1 tag
conversation between matt and i.
me: im back matt: helllo derr… how r ur boobs? haha! i just remembered? me: lmao oh god im never going to live this down am i? matt: nuh uhhh me: its not my fault i bruise easily! matt: boob uppercut me: some guys dont understand our sensitivity matt: obbvs me: he should be embarrassed matt: i would b.. thats rough me: but literally. he doesnt even know though matt: tell himmmm me:...
3 tags
the annual people scouts kaitlin hosted dinner...
which ryan would unfortunately not be attending. i hadnt mentioned how insulted i was when i saw ryan at the concert and he looked like he wanted to be anywhere else but talking to me. he did text me merry christmas first however so i felt assured he was not avoiding us altogether.
i picked up saniya and everyone was dressed so adorably and even though both saniya and i were running late we were...
3 tags
jens christmas party and seeing matt for the first...
matt and i often text. but since id been home wed been texting more and more often until it was every day, all the time. which made me so happy. i think i love matt sometimes. or rather i love matt when we are close the way we were. and this break i wanted nothing more than to curl up with him and cuddle. and we talked of having a movie day and how excited we were to see each other. and for the...
4 tags
grandma's birthday, christmas eve and christmas.
on the twenty third, it was my grandma’s birthday. she turned eighty something. she lives in an assisted living home out by rockville centre. so my dad mom sister and i went up to get her and bring her down to this tiny dining room area on the first floor. and then my uncle tony, aunt nancy, and cousins kate and alison arrived. we had coffee and cake and opened presents and talked. i like...
2 tags
my girls.
so seeing as roberto and ryan are no longer quite as tied down to our people scouts, what with recent happenings, the framework of our group remains. us girls. kaitlin had yet to tell us of her crazy night out. i cant remember if ive mentioned that she texted me one saturday asking if kim hated her, leaving kim and i bewildered, since she hadnt spoken to kim since the last group gathering where...
2 tags
the girl scouts party and things not as awkward as...
i was not looking forward to this gathering. but i was at the same time. it was exactly the same as old times. with the baking two dozen cookies. and the grab bag gift.
i had more fun eating the dough than the cookies. i made way too many, so my family had extras. and i still have extra dough waiting in the fridge.
that night i was late getting ready and not prepared to deal with all the...
1 tag
april.
i dearly love this girl. from last year we bonded over her admitting to liking trevor. i dont know when she started telling me or why she told me these things that only her closest friends knew. but from then on we were really close. especially when we stuck together like glue in chamber.
she is currently one of the few people i tell everything to.
sometimes she knows what i am thinking.
the...